I have never understood the game of cricket. Even though I was exposed to it from a relatively early age, courtesy of my brother. All six foot two of him.
Afternoons of hypnosis and boredom punctured by serving tea and cucumber sandwiches from the club house. Everyone dressed in white. Rain or shine, why white? So impracticable. There I am white dress, white ankle socks, white sandals, hard tied into bunches with ribbons. One brush against anything and the pristine look is ruined.
Cries of howzat, silly mid on, googly, cherries, chinamen, daisy cutters, diamond ducks, ferrets, fruit salads, gazunders, lbw, mullygrubbers, nurdles, nightwatchmen, pie chuckers, peaches, pongos, rabbits, rib ticklers, sawn off, legs, side on, silly, sticky dogs, stodgers, stranglers, tice, tickle, trundler, wag, waft, yips, yorkers and zooter!!?
Old men with handle bar moustaches their already ample waist lines further accentuated by the dozen or so cricket jumpers encircling their girth. Old school ties and caps add real colour to a sea of starched linen and crisp creased trousers. Hours click by as men run with bats up and down the crease. I yawn and get clipped round the side of my head for being rude.
The innings finishes because "bad light" is affecting play. Good or bad as far as I was concerned, what "play". I help to pack up the club kitchen and wash down. My white attire now smudged with brown and grey smears.
To add insult to injury we'll have to listen to the cricket on the car radio as we drive home.
I've never understood the rules, I still don't to this day. But this explanation which has now found it's way onto tourist merchandise encapsulates the game in nutshell.
The Rules of Cricket
as Explained to a foreign visitor
as Explained to a foreign visitor
Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out, he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not-outs, that's the end of the game.
Howzat?
"If all else fails, at least I can still laugh at myself." © GM 2010








